“The mistake dilemma”
Wednesday evening, dinner was over and we are doing our round of “check ins” of the day.
By “we” I mean my 6 year old daughter and me.
See, my daughter is a very playful, creative, emotional and kind person.
The type of girl that at 3 years old would cry heart broken tears when some 12 year old random girl would say “nope” to playing together in the park.
“How come they don’t want to play with me daddy???”
“Well, they are 12 and you are 3…” (I didn’t say that, but thought about it)
What I did say though was something along the lines of “people have the right to say NO”
I am also very playful, creative, emotional and kind.
But, I would have never approached a random kid to play in the park.
I always admired (and still do) my little girl for being so open minded, and fearless.
Let’s get back the dinner table conversation, because it will result in a parenting crucial moment.
“HOW WAS YOUR DAY?”
We know that research says that “there is nothing more important to childhood development than self-expression”.
I agree, but the key here is to figure out what are the necessary elements, and environment, for a child to be able to “self-express”
I guess a safe place, one that allows for mistakes, a place of caring, and trust.
When talking about her day, she started telling me a story about something that happened in school.
She was very excited about it, so I could tell it was a positive and proud moment for her. And if it was a positive and proud moment for her, she assumed I will feel proud of her. She said…
- “Daddy, today we had art class”
- “And what did you do?”
- “We had to make, and decorate a shamrock”
- “Sounds great, and how did it go?”
- “Mine went well, but my friend Michaela had a hard time at it”
(Insert dramatic mood change here)
- “Yea? How come”
- “She had no glue for the decorations, and she stopped trying”
- “Bummer, and what happened?”
👉🏼 And here is where the learning/parenting dilemma happened 😁
One of my areas of expertise is coaching soccer, and I remember that as part of my coaching education at that time I was taught the “Freeze” method.
This happened when someone made a mistake, you’d yell “FREEEEZE”, everyone stops, and you will fix the mistake.
Great! The mistake is gone! The coach has “all” the answers, BRAVO!!!
But… is learning about eliminating the mistake? is learning about correcting every single mistake? 🤔
Remember Michaela? The one with no glue? The one that stopped trying to make a shamrock?
My girl said
- “So I told her that she shouldn’t give up, and keep trying”
(Proud daddy moment here)
“So I got my glue, and I BRINGED it to her”
(Confused daddy moment here…she said “BRINGED” it!!??)
Right there and then it is what parenting is all about in my opinion. The decisions we make, and the impact we have in our kids.
I could:
Option 1) Celebrate her good intention and action, and let the grammar go.
Option 2) Catch the grammar mistake, and fix it.
It was clear to me that her action, willingness to help others, positive spirit, was way more important than a word. I couldn’t care less to be honest about the “bringed” it.
And I think this is how we can create a place for “self-expression” as parents, specially as dads.
What do you think? BRING IT!
